Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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