I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
