Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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