i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
