so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
