Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
