You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
