opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
