im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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