She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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