ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
