I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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