There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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