I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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