You can't motorboat a personality
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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