I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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