Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I touched a dick in church today
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
