apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
