my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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