yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
