My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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