my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
