My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize