Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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