hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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