Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
