Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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