Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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