Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
