I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
