rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
