I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
