How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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