Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
