I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
