TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
