That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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