The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
