They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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