I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
