Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
