I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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