Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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