If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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