my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
