YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
