No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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