3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
