I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
