I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize