I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
