No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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