I have demons in me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
