I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
