Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
