Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
