yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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