As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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