yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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