i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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