so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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