Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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