Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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