I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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