Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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