Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
